The timing of this post may not be perfect. It is not really about current events, of which there are too damn many, but rather about social media interactions in general. But those interactions are ramping up (because of current events) so I wanted to ramble a bit about my own experiences navigating social media as a socially inept (in my case autistic) person. (though social ineptness is not reserved for us, and should also not be confused with being evil, in case I’ve not yelled about that enough).

Something I’ve learned in the entirely too many years I’ve been on social media is: it’s not always about you (or me). That post that feels like it’s accusing you of being a bad parent or friend. That response post about a meme that you and thousands of others shared. That post about a group you belong to or support. That event that happened that you were also aware of. A post that just seems to be really close to a vague reply to something you posted a few days ago.

It has nothing to do with you. Take a breath. Close the computer.

There’s a trap in thinking that someone on social media knows you well enough to judge you. Especially if your only interactions are on an app that has been (time and again) found guilty of manipulating what you see. No matter how openly and honestly you post, your social media will only ever be part of you. And a narrow enough snapshot at that.

We bring too many assumptions to these apps. Some of us assume everyone knows the context of our posts, our thoughts. Some of us believe we’re informing everyone of importance by posting on social media. The number of times someone has said to me “well I posted on FB, didn’t you see it?” No, I didn’t. Too many of us need to spend less time in these spaces, not more. If it’s important, we should take the time to tell someone individually.

Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t post on social media. Social media acquaintances are valuable, and social media can help maintain other, deeper relationships. Just know that unless you are narrowly controlling your audience, you can’t always predict how your posts will be interpreted. And that’s okay.

An important part of social life that we forget is that we can’t be comfortable all the time. We’re going to disagree; most of the time* that’ll even be okay. We’re going to be misunderstood; most of the time we won’t be able to change that. We’re going to be wrong; we should do our best to learn and live better once we know that.

But we have to give each other** grace. And also remember that all the crap on the social media isn’t really about us. Ultimately, it’s about creating confusion and miscommunication and panic so we’ll run out and comfort buy something from our right side panel.

*it’s not okay to disagree about Nazis.
**we are not giving Nazis grace.